Archive for March 12th, 2013

March 12, 2013

Joyfear.

I first learned about Joyfear last summer.  I was reuniting with my college housemates and everyone just seemed so damn happy.  Why wasn’t I this happy?  They had all accomplished so much in so little time, and as proud as I was, I was envious… because I was miserable.  There is no better explanation than that.

That’s when my friend told me about “Joyfear”:

Do not shy away from Joyfear.

Seek it out.

Recognize it when you happen upon it.

Joyfear will change your life, and you’ll never forget the moment you find it.

For the most part, my life has been wonderful.  I have the most amazing support system… a wonderful family, friends who make me laugh and the most wonderful boyfriend who has been my biggest cheerleader for the past four years (although I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy to hear that I refer to him as a “cheerleader”).

Even still, something was missing.  All of these wonderful things in my life, yet I wasn’t as happy as I should have been.  I just didn’t appreciate the good things.  I could only focus on the bad.

I was stuck in such a rut career-wise.  I worked so hard only to be made to feel inadequate every single day.  I hated having a pit in my stomach every single night before I went to sleep.  I hated that it hurt to get out of bed in the morning because I wasn’t sure what the day would bring.  I hated feeling like I couldn’t control my situation.  To make matters worse, I watched my hard-earned money go towards taxes and my inflating rent check each and every month.

It was time that I analyze my situation and d0 something about it, as opposed to feeling helpless and wallowing in my own self-pity.

Now I’m experiencing my own “Joyfear”.  The feeling is hard to explain, but once you find it, you’ll know.