Bikram Yoga

Several months ago, I made an impulse purchase on a Groupon offer for 10 classes at Bikram Yoga. With that hasty decision, I failed to read the fine print:

  • The room is kept at 105 degrees and 50% humidity, so be prepared to sweat! Come to class on an empty stomach. Oh, that sounds pleasant. I may as well be running laps on blacktop at the peak of the day in mid-August. I have never been so sweaty.

  • Do not eat for 3 hours before class. If you must eat, fruit, yogurt or a granola bar is best. Probably shouldn’t have eaten those scrambled eggs and white toast 1 hour before.

  • Be well hydrated before class. As you practice, you will want to drink at least 3 liters of water a day. And expect to sweat out every  drop.

  • Wear light clothing such as a sports bra and shorts. Shorts for men. Try to avoid sweats or baggy clothing. Be comfortable!! I am much more comfortable in leggings and a tank top, thank you very much. The men in the class seemed to be very comfortable in Speedos and spandex. Seriously, gross.

  • Classes are 90 minutes and begin exactly on time. No late-comers will be admitted; no leaving class early. Use the restroom before class. 90 minutes in a smelly, crowded, steaming hot room.

I’m sorry, but what about this sounds enjoyable? Working out is never really enjoyable for me, but this honestly sounds like hell. Sure enough it was. 90 minutes of hell.

The instructor advised me that I may feel nauseous from the heat and assured me it was OK to lie down if I began to feel lightheaded. I didn’t feel nauseous or lightheaded from the heat. No. I felt nauseous from the smells. The body odor. And the sweat dripping from stranger’s bodies. Half of those bodies of which refuse to wear deodorant. Ever. I am actually gagging a little bit as I write this.

Some people swear by this hot yoga phenomenon and claim it only gets better after the first class, but I will not be one of those people… because I will never go back. Never again.

 

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